Home | Fanfic by author and show

This site is hosted by DrakNet

Belle leaves the bookshop reading as villagers sing. A woman throws water through her window and into a gutter pipe. The water goes down, then falls over a shop plaque, right where Belle is coming to. Absent-mindedly, she walks into the cold waterfall.
Belle: Whaaa!
Several people laugh.
Director: Cut! Belle, you're supposed to turn the plaque up, so you'd use it as an umbrella to not get wet!
Belle(dripping water): I know, I know, but I forgot it. (shows soaked book)You see, I just arrived into the chapter when the girl discovers that the man she loves has a secret, then...
Director: (deep sigh)
.......................................................

Bookseller: That one? But you read it twice!
Belle: Cause it's my favorite! (swings at the wheel ladder of the bookshop)Faraway places, daring sword fiIIIIIIIGHHHTSSS!(The wheel ladder gets loosen from the bookshelf and runs with her) CRASH! THUD!
The bookseller rushes to the girl's aid. The ladder has smacked against another bookshelf. Belle is covered by dusty books, one of them opened on her head. She sits up, as sees stars and books spinning around her head.
Belle(stunned grin with rolling eyes):Fa-farrow places, merry sore fights, magic s-s-spellss a-and...a prrinz in dzzguize!(collapses back)
.......................................................
Gaston(tosses Belle's book away): Belle, it's about time you got your head out of these books...
The book hits the head of someone from the crew.
Man: Ouh!
Gaston: Sorry.

Gaston (tosses book again): Belle, it's about time you...
The book hits the Red Bimbette's nose.
Reddie: "AARGH!(takes both hands to her bleeding nose)MY NOSE! My beautiful nose! You broke it! You monster!(sobs hysterically)I demand an indenization!
Gaston, Reddie's sisters, Belle and others run to her aid and insist that her precious nose is alright, just needs some hankies, but Reddie carries on: "Look! It's swelling! I'm disfigured! My life's all ruined! I'M UGLY! WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Gaston tosses the book away as he repeats his line. Belle rushes to save the book from falling in the mud, but trips over Gaston's boots (Oops!)and literally kisses the dust.
Gaston(knelts down over her laughing):I know girls kiss the ground where I step on, but this is ridiculous! (Belle punches him)Ouf!
........................................................

Gaston: Hey, whaddya say you and me take a walk over to the tavern and have a look at my hunting trophies.
He pushes Belle forwards. She topples and falls into a puddle.
Belle: Argh! Look what you did, you pig!
Director: Cut! Gaston!
Gaston(shrugs): It's not my fault if she never looks where she's going to!
......................................................
Belle: My father's not crazy! He is a genious!
Genie(appearing into a pouf! of smoke): Did you call me?
Belle stares at him wide-eyedly, then cracks up laughing . Many people join her.
Genie(glances around confused): Huh? Isn't here the set of Alladin?

Belle: My father's not crazy! He's a genious!
Silence. She looks at her cottage. Nothing happens.
Belle(annoyed): He's a genious!
Nothing. The Director tells someone to check what's wrong in the basement. Some minutes pass...
Angry voice from the basement: Who let the dog coming down here? He p(BLIP) on the powderkeg!!!!

Belle says her line once more.
BOOOMM! The entire cottage is blowed up to smithreems.
Director: Aaaarghh! (rips locks of hair off)I'm ruined! (leans over an assistant shoulder)Sob,sob, sob.
Genie: Don't worry! I'll fix that up!(transforms the ruins into an Egyptian pyramid)Ops!Let's try again!(transforms the pyramid into the Sultan's palace)No, no...(transform the palace into the Eiffel Tower, in the Roman Coliseun, in a Middleage castle, in a Japanese pagoda, in the Taj Mahal... Someone yawns.
Director(talking through telephone resignedly): Yes...just what I said...it was exploded. How much do you think a new scenary will cost?
Genie: Wait! I can do it!(transforms Taj Mahal into the White House, then into an Eskimo icehouse, then...)

Out Takes in the Castle...and A Few Outside, too.

Mrs. Potts serves tea on Chip for Maurice.
Maurice sips the tea. Chip says nothing.
Director: Cut!
Maurice: What's wrong?
Director: Not you, it's Chip. (leans down to the cup)Look boy, when Maurice drinks you're supposed to laugh and say "His mustache tickles, momma". Got it? Chip? Are you hearing me?
Mrs Potts:Chip?(pokes him, then startles)This is not my son!
Maurice(exhamines the teacup attently): This is a common lifeless teacup! And chipped just like him!
Mrs. Potts (angry): Oooh, that boy! He run off again to play and left this cheap cup in his place! He'll see when I get'im!(jumps out of the teacart and off scene)
.....................................................

Maurice rushes to the exit. Beast runs to intercept him, but trips and collapses over the old man.
Beast: Ooompf!
Maurice(struggles under Beast): Help! I'm getting smashed!
......................................................

Gaston (traps Belle against the door): Say you'll marry me.(tries to kiss her)
Belle:(avoiding his lips as reaches the knob) I'm very sorry, Gaston, but I just...
Gaston: You just should brush your teeth!(disgusted face)
Belle: WHAT!?
Gaston: You heard so. Your mouth is smelling like garlic.
Belle(incensed): Why you!(opens door wide and kicks Gaston out)
.................................................
Belle: "And for once it might be grand(picks up a dandelion and plays with it)To have someone underst...un..under...undessTCHOOO! (sneezes blowing dandelion flocks away)
.................................................
Lumiere and Cogsworth peeks Belle by the hallways.
Lumiere: Did you see? It's a "girl"(charged French accent)!
Cogsworth: I know it's a "ghoul"...ops!
They both laugh.
Lumiere(chuckling): Well I thought this was a haunted castle!
......................................................
Gaston takes the two tankards off Le Fou, sips and tosses them in the fire. However, one of the tankards misses and breaks the camera lens.
Beast's snickers are heard off set.
.......................................................
Beast knocks violently on the door of Belle's room. CRASH! His fist goes through the door.
Beast(dejected): Oh damn.
Belle(inside):Aww! Once again?
Beast: Once again not! I just broke down the door last time!
Director: Cut! Bring another spare door!
......................................................
Lumiere embraces Fifi(featherduster) under a curtain.
Fifi(giggling): Oh no!
Lumiere: Oh yes!
The curtain catches fire because of Lumiere's lights.
Fifi: What is this smell?
Lumiere(offended): It is not me!
Fifi:I didn't mean that. It's smell of...(realizes what it is) OH MY GOD!
Lumiere: Zut Alors! It's "feu"!
They both fly out of the burning curtain like two lightnings. Some guys from crew run with fire extinguishers.

Grooming Himself

Beast(emerging from the bathtub): "Bold. Daring! Brrlmmfff!
He shakes himself spreading water all over. The camera lens gets filled with drops.
.....................................................
Lumiere dries himself. Beast's feet pass by him wearing furred slippers with bunny faces.
......................................................
Lumiere: Voila! You are so...so...
Beast(wearing a Carmen Miranda turbant with fruits and golden earrings): Stupid.
Director: Cut! This is not ridicule enough. We must find something better.

(Moments later)
Lumiere repeats his line.
Beast (with a huge, glossy Elvis Presley toupée): Stupid.
DIrector: Ack.This is even worse! Let's try other.

Beast tries a variety of wigs and hair, err, manestyles.
Director:(to a curled judge wig)No. (to a purple Mohican-punk crest)Nah. (to a wig with long Rapunzel braids)Hmmm...almost there.
(People's laughs increase at each ridicule stuff. Beast is coming unglued)

Finally, he tries the version with pigtails and blue bows. Everyone laughs.
Director: Perfect!

Lumiere: Voila! You are so...so...
Beast: St...Stup..achooo!
Director: What now?
Beast(sniffling): I got a cold! Why did you make me try all that junk wearing nothing but a towel?
Gaston(chuckling): All that fur must be only decorative.
Beast: I'll show you who's got decorative fur!
He jumps on Gaston and off scene_leaving a floating towel behind.
Fastly, his paw enters into scene, picks up the towel and backs away. The camera shivers. Wigs and others variated objects fly into scene.
BANG! (Gaston) Help!Don't let him get me! CRASH! SOCK!
(Beast)ROOOARRR...TCHOOO! CRUNCH! TINKLE!KAPOW!

Last, But Not Least

Mrs. Wardrobe fights with a villager. He topples and falls inside her.
After some struggling, he gets out from her dressed in drag(make-up, a curled wig, bra and skirt), dancing and singing with falsetto voice: It's raining men! Hallellujah! It's raining meeen!Raining men!
Several people and objects laugh.
.....................................................

Belle(caressing the wounded Beast): We are together now. Everything's going to be fine. You'll see.
Beast chokes and makes an effort to talk. Belle leans down to listen him.
Beast: Buurrrrp!
Belle wides up her eyes in shock. Beast puts a paw on his mouth, embarassed:Ops! (makes a fake grin)
They both burst into cackling.
....................................................
Belle and Beast swirl through the ballroom. Suddenly, she steps on his foot.
Belle: Oh, sorry!
Beast: Growwwl!(hops holding his injuried foot. The floor trembles dangerously)And YOU were afraid that I could crunch your precious little feet! I knew that would happen!
Director: Cut!(No one pays him attention)
Belle: What?! Are you calling me clumsy?
Beast: If the shoe fits... It wasn't I whom almost broke your neck rolling down the stairs!
Belle(hands on waist): Oh, really? Well, it wasn't I whom broke down a hole in front of my room jumping, Mr. Featherweight!
The discussion carries on. Both cast and crew people gather around them to watch. The Director hops and yells try to call someone's attention, but in vain.
Beast: So be it! Last weekend I was your "Fluffy Dearest! Now I am pointed-fanged and an idiot! I'm through! And by the way...(pulls the blue bow off his mane and steps on it) I'm sick of looking like an expose dog! Goodbye everyone! (storms off)
Belle: Wait! I didn't mean...(realizes people around) What are you looking at? Haven't you anything better to do?(runs after Beast, moaning)Wait for me!Fluuuffyy...Don't leave meeeee!

Speaker's voice: Wow...Well, that was another episode of Moooovies Bloopers Show! Hope you all have enjoyed(personally, I loved the hair stuff). Gooooodnight!