Riverdale Ed
A "Ed,Edd,'n'Eddy"/"Archie" crossover

by Patrick Moore



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(We open at the Cul-De-Sac in Peach Creek where we see Kevin riding on his bike, while we see, Sarah, Jimmy,Jonny, and Plank cheer for him.)

JONNY- That's cool, Kevin.

KEVIN- Thanks, dude. (He rides off passed Sarah and Jimmy.)

JIMMY- (To Sarah.) Look at Kevin go, Sarah.

SARAH- I sure hope that those supid Eds don't show up to ruin it.

(Kevin stops his bike after what Sarah said.)

KEVIN- I haven't heard a peep from the dorks all day. Maybe the Kankers got them.

(Just then Nazz and Rolf walk towards the gang with a note in Nazz's hand.)

NAZZ- (To Kevin.) Kevin, you better read this. It's about the Eds.

(Kevin grabs the note and reads it. We now hear Eddy's voice in the background, as Kevin reads the letter.)

EDDY'S VOICE- Dear Losers. Me, Double D, and Lumpy have gone to Riverdale go to the jawbreaker convention. We'll be gone all weekend. Hugs and kisses, Eddy.

KEVIN- Those dorks at up to something in Riverdale.

SARAH- If I know my idiot brother, he and the Eds are going to scam people.

NAZZ- We better take the next bus to Riverdale just to make sure.

ROLF- Rolf will bring his best beets for the trip for snacks.

KEVIN- That's ok, Rolf, but the bus won't let us eat food on it.

(Just then we see the Kanker Sisters come towards the kids.)

LEE- What's going here?

MARIE- Looks like the babies decided not to invite us, Lee.

KEVIN- For your information, Kankers, we're going to Riverdale to stop the Eds from doing something stupid. You want to come?

MAY- (Singing.) We're going to get our boyfriends.

LEE- This is going to be good.

(We see the kids and the Kankers walk off.)

(The scene changes to Ed, Edd, and Eddy getting off a bus. The boys read a sign that says "Welcome to Riverdale.")

EDDY- This is it, boys. All we have to do now is find the Convention Center and get those jawbreakers.

EDD- Eddy, we don't have the money to get the jawbreakers. How are we going to get the money?

ED- I could sell my lucky socks. (Ed takes out two dirty socks that we see the flies flying around them. Edd and Eddy cover their noses.)

EDDY- Ed, don't you ever clean your socks?

ED- I sure do, Eddy. I wash them every month.

EDD- Don't you mean every week, Ed?

ED- I wear the same pair of socks everyday, Double D.

EDDY- Forget the socks. Let's ask some kids were the convention is.

(We see Archie Andrews and Betty Cooper walk passed the Eds.)

EDDY- (To Archie.) Yo, carrot top!

(Archie and Betty turn to see the Eds.)

ARCHIE- What is it, kid?

EDDY- Who are you calling kid?

ARCHIE- You are.

EDD- My friends and I are looking for the Convention Center where they are holding the jawbreaker convention. Do you know wher it is?

ARCHIE- I know where it is. The gang and I are going there to do a music video over there.

EDD- Wait a minute, you look familiar. (Double D thinks until he gets it.) Now I remember where I seen you two before.

EDDY- On a cereal box?

EDD- Eddy, you have been talking to two of the members of the music group the Archies.

ED- I know an Archie Bunker.

EDDY- (To Ed.) Shut up, meathead. (To Double D.) What are you talking about, Double D?

EDD- Remember that CD I gave you last year?

EDDY- Yeah.

EDD- It was by the Archies.

EDDY- That stupid CD you gave me wasn't even heavy metal, so I gave it to Rolf.

EDD- Why did you give it to Rolf?

EDDY- He needed the music to put Victor the Goat to sleep at night.

EDD- Eddy, I gave you that CD for your birthday.

EDDY- It stunk like Ed's socks.

ED- Thank you, Eddy.

BETTY- If you three excuse us, we got to get to the Convention Center.

EDDY- Take us with you, becuse I want those jawbreakers!

ARCHIE- Ok.

(The Eds cheer as they, Archie, and Betty walk off.)

(Scene changes to where we see the Cul-De-Sac kids and the Kankers get off the bus in Riverdale.)

KEVIN- This must be Riverdale. The dorks must be at the Convention Center.

LEE- You better be right, Kevin, or there's going to be trouble.

NAZZ- We better wait for the next bus that will take us there.

SARAH- When I get my hands on my idiot brother...

JIMMY- (Interrupting Sarah.) Don't worry, Sarah, we'll get the Eds.

SARAH- Thanks, Jimmy.

KEVIN- Let's get those Eds!

ROLF- But first, Rolf needs food to calm stomach.

KEVIN- We better get some food, before we get those dorks.

(Jonny spots Pops Chok'lit Shop.)

JONNY- Let's go in there.

NAZZ- I hope ther serve good burgers in that joint.

(The kids and the Kankers go inside to see Jughead Jones eating a plate full of burgers with his dog, Hot Dog.)

JUGHEAD- (To the kids.) I've never seen you kids in Riverdale before.

ROLF- Rolf has never seen a human eat so many burgers, since Rolf's Uncle ate five hundred weiners in one sitting. Rolf salutes you, Crown Boy.

KEVIN- (To Jughead.) We're looking for three dorks named Ed, Edd, and Eddy, have you seen them?

JUGHEAD- Those names sound familiar. (Jug thinks for five seconds.) I've see them on Cartoon Network everyday after school.

KEVIN- You're a dork than the Eds.

JUGHEAD- If you want dorks, look at Reggie Mantle. (Jug looks at his watch.) I better get out of here and meet the gang at the Convention Center.

LEE- If you're going there, we're coming too.

JUGHEAD- That's fine with me.

(Jug, Hot Dog, the kids, and the Kankers leave, as Rolf grabs a couple of burgers.)

POPS- Jughead, you haven't paid for those burgers.

ROLF- Bill them to the Ed boys.

(Rolf leaves.)

(Scene changes to the Riverdale Convention Center where the Eds, Archie, and Betty meet up with Veronica Lodge and Reggie Mantle.)

REGGIE- (To Archie.) It's about time you showed up, Archie. (Looks at the Eds.) Who are you dorks?

EDDY- (Whispers to Edd and Ed.) This guy is a bigger jerk than Kevin. (To Reggie.) We're Ed, Edd, and Eddy.

VERONICA- What nice names.

(Eddy has little hearts going around him when he sees Veronica.)

EDD- (Snaps his fingers at Eddy.) Wake up, Eddy. She's a teenager.

EDDY- I wish I was a teen like my brother, then I'll show Kevin.

(Ed spins around to see all the candy at the convention then drools.)

ED- Gravy! Look at all the candy!

EDDY- All I want is the jawbreakers. Let's go see them, before the vultures get to them first.

(The Eds leave.)

REGGIE- Speaking of dorks, where's Jughead?

ARCHIE- He must be still at Pops eating.

BETTY- Here he comes now.

(We see Jughead with the Cul-De-Sac kids, and the Kankers walking towards them.)

JUGHEAD- What's up, gang?

NAZZ- (Looks at Archie and the gang.) It's the Archies! (She screams.)

KEVIN- (To Nazz.) What's with you and pop bands, Nazz?

NAZZ- Kevin, these are the Archies, that band I told you about.

KEVIN- I like Kiss better.

ROLF- Rolf has CD of this Archie band at home with Victor.

SARAH- When did you get an Archies CD, Rolf?

ROLF- Three-haired Ed boy gave it to me.

KEVIN- Speaking of Ed. (To Archie.) Have you seen three dorks named Ed, Edd, and Eddy anywhere?

ARCHIE- They went to the jawbreaker booth a few minutes ago.

KEVIN- Thanks, dude. (To the Cul-De-Sac kids and the Kankers.) Let's get some Eds.

NAZZ- I'll stay here and get the Archies autographs.

(The rest of the kids leave.)

(Cut to the Eds with jawbreakers in their mouths.)

EDDY- This is the life, boys. We get free jawbreakers, and we didn't have to scam anyone to do it.

ED- I like the gravy flavor.

EDD- There is no gravy flavor, Ed.

ED- Butter toast!

(We see the Cul-De-Sac kids and the Kankers walk towards the Eds.)

KEVIN- Game over, dorks.

EDDY- (To Kevin.) What are you doing here?

KEVIN- We're here to stop you from doing any scams on the people of Riverdale.

EDDY- We're not doing any scams today, Kevin.

EDD- Eddy's right, Kevin, these jawbreakers are free samples.

KEVIN- Are you telling the truth?

EDDY- The sign says FREE SAMPLES, stupid.

KEVIN- Who are you calling stupid, dork?

EDDY- (Gulps.) Not you, Kevin.

KEVIN- I'll let you dorks off with a warning, since this fanfic is almost over.

(Just then, Nazz walks towards them.)

NAZZ- The Archies want us to be in their music video.

KEVIN- I always wanted to be a rock star.

LEE- We better get into some make-up.

MAY- I don't want the camera to add twenty pound to my waist.

ED- I want my MTV!

(We cut to the Archies singing "Sugar, Sugar" as we see the Eds, the Cul-De-Sac kids, and the Kankers dancing to the beat. We soon see a TV screen as we see the kids watching the video.)

KEVIN- That was one cool music video.

SARAH- I like the part where Jimmy did the Robot.

JIMMY- It was nothing, Sarah.

NAZZ- Where are the Eds?

KEVIN- The last I saw them, they were still in Riverdale.

(Scene changes to Ed and Eddy washing dishes, and Double D mopping the floor.)

EDDY- I'll get Rolf and Kevin for this.

EDD- How much food did Jughead eat to get this long bill?

(Pops Tate enters with a broom.)

POPS- You boys are almost finished paying Jughead's bill.

EDDY- It's been three weeks, and I want to go home.

POPS- You have one week left and then you're done.

EDDY- Finally.

POPS- To speed it up, I've hired some more help.

(We see the Kanker Sisters enter.)

EDDY- (With a shocked look to his face.) Not them.

ED- It's the Wyrd Sisters from planet Mars.

EDD- It's a nightmare I tell you.

LEE- Pucker up, lover boys.

(The Eds scream as we iris out, but Eddy opens the iris.)

EDDY- Where's Sabrina the Teenage Witch when you need her?

ED- The WB canceled her show.

EDDY- Who asked you, lumpy?

(We realy iris out this time as we see Sabrina flying on her broom.)

(End credits roll.)


THE END.