Broadcasting from the middle of Main Street

It’s Disney’s House of Mouse!

Who’s that knockin’ at the House of Mouse?

We’re all rockin’ at the House of Mouse

So come on in, we’re gonna shake the house

We’re all rockin’ at the House of Mouse

So come on in, we’re gonna shake the house

We’re havin’ a ball at the House of Mouse!

TOMMY’S HOUSE OF MOUSE

By Animated Stranger and Trojan Horse

THE NEW CRITIC: TOMMY PICKLES

Mike: And now…the biggest rodent celebrity…Mickey Mouse!
(Mickey comes on stage)
Mickey: Hey there, everyone! Welcome to the House of Mouse! Today…

(Minnie is backstage looking at the schedule)

Minnie: Let’s see…we have three cartoons to show, the Quack Street Boys have a musical number and Ludwig Van Drake has a science explanation.

Donald: That sounds like a basic show!

Goofy: Looks like nothing can go wrong today! Ahyuk!

(In the audience)
Kit: What are you staring at, papa bear?
Baloo: I’m sure I saw somebody that doesn’t belong in this crowd.

Kit: What do you mean?
Baloo: I saw a short person with no hair and a blue shirt. I’ve never seen anybody like him in the House of Mouse before!

Kit: Well, whoever it was is gone now.

Mickey: Okay! To start tonight’s show, here’s a cartoon…

Voice: Boo!

Mickey: Wha-?!
Tommy: Boo!
Mickey: Hey! Who are you?
Tommy: I’m Tommy Pickles! I’m the critic you never knew was coming! So whatever I want…you give it to me!
Timon: That was a cheap introduction!
Tommy: What? You say my introduction was cheap? You and the hog are the ones who are cheap!

Mickey: Enough! Come backstage, Mr. Pickles!

(Tommy sits in a guest room while Mickey talks to his friends)

Mickey: He’s a critic, guys! We have to give him what he wants!
Donald: Oh no! Not this whole thing again!

Mickey: The first thing Tommy wants is…to show no cartoons.

Minnie: What?! But cartoons are required for a show!
Goofy: And without a show, Pete will take over!
(Pete walks into the room)
Pete: That’s right! Without a show, I DO take over!

Tommy: No, I have a new contract that voids the previous one!
Pete (reading the contract): As long as toons of the crowd have crossovers and conversation with toons of different universes and everything goes the way as Tommy Pickles wants, the House of Mouse belongs to Mickey.

(Pete gets angry and storms off)

Donald: So this baby of a critic wants toons of the crowd to have crossovers and conversations with toons of different universes?

Tommy: That’s right! I’ve gotten tired of seeing Aladdin sitting with Jasmine or Hercules sitting with Phil! It would be better if Aladdin and Jasmine sat together with Hercules and Phil!

Minnie: Acts on stage are still allowed, aren’t they?
Tommy: Yeah, I suppose they are. (Tommy leaves)

Horace Horsecollar: I never thought that a Nickelodeon toon would come to the House of Mouse! As a critic too!
Mickey: Don’t worry, Horace! Not much will change.

(Mickey makes an announcement and all toons of the audience start crossing over with other toons)

Triton: I don’t want any of your bottled water!

Liquidator: Oh, come on! They’re fresh, unlike the sea water that you are used to, your highness!

Clopin: I’m probably the most popular Disney character of all!
Basil: What? You must be mistaken! I’m the most popular!

Baloo: I’m in my Tale Spin uniform so won’t having conversation with Jungle Book characters be considered a crossover?

Tommy: Nice try but NO!
Ludwig: All right! Pay attention, you kooky audience! This is my customized beam sword! Instead of relying on the force, you can use toon energy to power it up! I need two volunteers from the audience to test them!
Tommy: Hey! Make it two volunteers from separate universes! That way, the clash will be even more exciting!

Clopin and Basil: WE WILL! WE WILL!

(Clopping and Basil volunteer and start clashing)
(Backstage)

Mickey: This is good and all, Minnie, but I’m starting to miss the cartoons that we showed! We just gotta show at least one cartoon!
Donald: Yes…but how?

(In the guest room, Tommy yawns and falls asleep)

Minnie: Mickey! Tommy is asleep!
Goofy: Oh! Better go wake him up.

Mickey: No! Don’t you see? If Tommy is asleep, we can show a cartoon without him knowing!
(Mickey rushes onto the stage)

Mickey: Now, here’s a cartoon as promised!

GOOFY’S ROCKET

Goofy: I’ve always wanted to go to the moon. Then I could meet the man in the moon himself! So I’ve purchased this book!
Book: How to build a spaceship! Chapter one: Finding the necessary parts.

Go to a local mechanics shop and buy all the parts listed here.

(Goofy goes to a store and asks for the parts)
Book: Of course, paying for all the parts is a different matter.

(Goofy is charged $49.95.)

Book: Chapter two: Building the ship! Once you have your parts, you must follow the exact instructions in this book.

Goofy: Ahyuk! That shouldn’t be too hard!

Book: You must put together the retro rockets, fuel engines, parachute holder, oxygen tank, heat shields…

Goofy: Okay…maybe it IS hard.

Book: Chapter three: Taking flight! Put on your spacesuit, get seated in your spaceship and press the red button.

(Goofy pushes a blue button)
Book: I SAID THE RED BUTTON!

(Goofy’s ship starts spiraling into space)
Book: If you accidentally activate spiral steer mode, pull the lever)
(Goofy pulls a lever and gets knocked into an escape pod)
Goofy: Ahyuk! Convenient.

(The pod lands on the moon)
Goofy: Oh boy! I made it! Now I can see the man in the moon!

Voice(same as book): I am the man in the moon!
(A shadow of a man is seen)
Goofy: Oooooooh….Ahyuk!

THE END

Audience: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Tommy: What’s all the commotion about? (gasps)
Mickey and his friends: Uh-oh…

Tommy: You showed a cartoon! You deliberately disobeyed me!
Mufasa: Hey! That’s my line!

Tommy: That’s it, Mickey! Your ownership of the House of Mouse is over!

Pete: Yahoo! The House of Mouse is mine at last! Ha ha ha ha!

Mickey: This isn’t fair, Tommy! We need to show cartoons sometimes!

(Mickey makes a speech)
Tommy: Well…I guess you can show a cartoon once in a while. But that still doesn’t change the fact that you don’t own this club anymore.
Pete: Heh heh heh. So that means…

Tommy: That means that I own the House of Mouse now! Mickey will remain the host and all of the workers keep their jobs as long as they listen to my rules!

Pete: WHAT?! But...Grrrrrrrrr! (Pete storms off in anger again)
Mickey: Whew! We still keep our jobs! That’s a relief!

(Mickey gets on stage)
Mickey: Well, folks, new rules have been set. Cartoons will be shown once in a while, acts will be performed, and food will be served as always. But try to continue your crossovers and boost the House of Mouse’s ratings!

Mike: Funds for Tommy Pickles brought to you by…Pickles Toys! Stu Pickles tests his ideas every day to insure that his invention will be the one to put Pickles Toys on the map! Pickles Toys, toys that get you into a pickle! (Disney toons are unable to purchase toys because they only exist in the Nickelodeon universe)

Mickey: That’s it, everybody! See ya real soon!

THE END