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One day, Spongebob and Patrick had just gotten out of a movie theater.
Patrick: That was great. I love Agent 000½ movies.
Spongebob: Yeah, wouldn’t it be great to make a movie.
Patrick: Sure, let’s do it.
Spongebob: But, Patrick, we don’t have a camera.
Patrick: I do! Come on I’ll show you.
Patrick takes Spongebob to his rock to show him his “camera.”
Spongebob: Patrick, that’s a blender.
Patrick: It makes a great video camera, too. Watch *puts the cup on Spongebob’s head.* Lights… camera…
Spongebob: Patrick, NO!!!
Patrick: Action!!! *turns on the blender and Spongebob’s head gets all twisted.*
Spongebob: Patrick, I don’t think a blender will work as a movie camera.
Patrick: Oh, you meant something to make movies with! Okay, I got nothing.
Spongebob and Patrick then go outside.
Patrick: Now how are we going to make a movie?
Meanwhile, the mayor of Bikini Bottom is flying thousands of feet over them in a hot air balloon.
Mayor: … and so, I officially declare this day Free Camcorder Day! *throws a camcorder out of the balloon.*
Spongebob: *down below* Oh wait, I’m getting an idea. Inspiration is about to hit me. I feel like its coming right at me. Yes, it’s coming right into my brain!!! *camera hits Patrick* That could work, too. Let’s start our movie!!!
Next, some of the characters are in Jellyfish Fields. Spongebob is holding the camera with Mr. Krabs, Patrick, and Plankton standing in front of it. Plankton has a top hat and cape on and a fake villain-type mustache. Patrick is chained to a rock with his normal clueless expression.
Spongebob: Okay, Mr. Krabs, in this scene, you have just discovered that your long-lost twin brother, played by Patrick, is in the clutches of the evil villain, played by Plankton, who is about to release his horde of really grumpy jellyfish on Patrick.
Plankton: Finally, a chance to show the world my evil abilities. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Mr. Krabs: I’m getting paid for this, right?
Spongebob: *doesn’t answer him* Lights, camera, action!
Mr. Krabs: *overacting* You fiend, how could you do something like this?
Plankton: Mwahahahahahahah!!! With your brother out of the way, I can finally take over Miami Beach!!! *presses a button on a remote control, unleashing a bunch of jellyfish from a giant net.* Farewell! *presses another button, teleporting him somewhere else.*
Spongebob: Okay, Mr. Krabs, now use the net.
Mr. Krabs takes out a jellyfish net. He attempts to catch the jellyfish, but they all fly past him and straight for Patrick.
Patrick: Uh, Spongebob, I don’t think this was in the scripAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Can we cut?
Spongebob and Patrick then go to Goo Lagoon. They use Pearl and Squidward as actor and actress this time.
Spongebob: Okay, this is the big romance scene. Squidward, you recite the poem and then move in for the kiss.
Pearl: I have to kiss him? Ew!
Spongebob: I’ll put a bonus in your check.
Pearl: Ready!
Squidward: So, we are getting paid?
Spongebob: *Once again, does not answer.* In his high, female-like voice.* Aaaaaaaaaaction!!!
Squidward: *reading in his natural sarcastic tone*
Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine,
Your face is as beautiful as a gas station sign,
when my bladder’s so full, any toilet would be fine… Okay, who wrote this?
Patrick: *typing with one finger at a time.* C…A…T… Done!
Spongebob: *whispering to Squidward.* Just move in for the kiss.
They reluctantly start to kiss , but before they can, a huge tidal wave crashes into everyone.
Patrick: *struggling in the water.* HELP, I CAN’T SWIM!!!
Spongebob: Patrick!!!
Patrick: CAN’T SWIM!!!
Spongebob: But, Patrick!!!!!!
Patrick: I’M DROWNING, TELL SANDY I STOLE ALL HER ICE CREAM!!!
Spongebob: PATRICK, JUST STAND UP!!!!!!
Patrick: Huh? *stands up* I’M ALIVE!!!
Sandy: Not for long! You’re the one who stole my ice cream?
Patrick: *gulp* uh-huh. *BAM, is sent flying through the air.* AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! *crash, headfirst in the sand.* Can we not use that take?
Next, Spongebob, Patrick, and Sandy are in downtown Bikini Bottom. Patrick is standing next to a small building wearing a mime costume and face paint. Sandy is up on the roof of the building with large, heavy items.
Spongebob: Okay, this is the comedy part. Patrick, you stand here and do some miming *speaking into a megaphone.* ,and, Sandy, you drop the stuff on Patrick.
Patrick: This isn’t gonna hurt, right?
Spongebob: *in high female voice.* Aaaaaaaaction!!!
Patrick starts doing some miming and Sandy lifts an anvil. She drops it on Patrick, but it just shatters on the contact of his thick skull. Next, she drops a sink on him. Patrick’s body then squeezes together under the pressure, like an accordion. However, it then springs back to normal with a sproing, propelling the sink upwards and down through the roof of somebody’s house.
Fish’s voice: *CRASH!!! BAM!!! WHAM!!!!!!* My leg!!!
Sandy then drops a safe on Patrick, but it is then propelled upward toward certain hot air balloon.
Mayor: Happy Free Camcorder Day! *balloon gets popped by the high-speed safe, stops in mid-air, and then drops like a rock.*
Sandy then drops a Ferrari on Patrick, but this springs back and creates a large crater in in the middle of a street intersection, causing a big traffic jam. The same thing happens with a couch, a bathtub, a big-screen TV, a bed, a toilet, a desk, a 16 ton weight, and a heavy suit of deep-sea diving gear. By the time it is over, downtown Bikini Bottom is a landfill.
Patrick: *whispering to Spongebob.* Spongebob, I think Sandy’s missing her cue. She hasn’t dropped anything.
Spongebob: *sigh* Take five, people.
Now, they are back at Goo Lagoon. There are two galleons floating miles away from the shore. Spongebob and Mr. Krabs are in one of them, and Patrick and Larry the Lobster are in the other. All four of them are dressed in pirate outfits. Unfortunately, Mr. Krabs is wearing two eye patches.
Spongebob: *speaking into a megaphone* This’ll be the pirate scene. Mr. Krabs, you fire cannonballs at Larry’s ship, but be sure to miss. Larry, you fire at Mr. Krabs’s ship, also missing him.
Mr. Krabs: Is this movie going in any particular direction?
Spongebob: Aaaaaaaaaction!!!
The Larry and Mr. Krabs start firing each other. Mr. Krabs, with his eye patch-induced blindness, accidentally hits Larry’s ship.
Patrick: Hey, they hit us! *takes control of the cannon away from Larry.*
Larry: But, dude, we’re not supposed to hit anyone!
Patrick: FIRE!!! *shoots the cannon and hits Mr. Krabs’s ship.
Mr. Krabs: Arrr, we’ve been hit, Mr. Spongebob.
Spongebob: I think you mean Mr. Christian.
Mr. Krabs: Prepare to retaliate!!!
Spongebob: But, Mr. Krabs…!
Mr. Krabs means to fire at Larry’s ship, but it heads for Patrick instead. Instead of hitting him, the cannonball is swallowed by Patrick. They then fire more cannonballs at each other,
Mr. Krabs: Arrr, were taking on water.
They continue to fire until both of there ships break in half and go underwater like rocks.
Patrick: HELP!!! STILL CAN’T SWIM!!!!!!
Suddenly, a submarine pops up out of the lagoon. All four of them are caught in the sub’s torpedo barrels. They all get fired out like torpedoes and zoom across the horizon.
Next, Spongebob, Patrick, Sandy, and Plankton are standing outside of the Chum Bucket. Gary is inside the Chum Bucket
Spongebob: Okay, now for the exciting climax of the movie. Plankton is going to release his giant snail to wreak havoc upon the city of Bikini Bottom. Aaaaaaaaaction!!!
Plankton: And now to release the monstrosity that will allow me to take over Sacramento!
Plankton presses a button on his remote control, and a giant Gary busts out of the side of the Chum bucket.
Patrick: Oh, an elephant
Spongebob: *Whispering to Plankton* Nice special effects, by the way.
Plankton: What are you talking about? I used my snail super-sizing with a side of fries ray.
Sandy: You mean that’s really Gary?
A crowd starts running from Gary in the background.
Crowd: AAAH!!!
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: You can’t just super-size any snail that comes along. *crowd runs by.*
Plankton: Why not?
Spongebob: *crowd runs by* It’ll cause a mass panic! *crowd runs by.*
Plankton: And your point is? *crowd runs by*
Spongebob: Somebody could get hurt!!! *crowd runs by*
Plankton: That’s the whole point! *crowd runs…over him.* Ouch. *Gary runs over him.*
The next day, all of the characters in the movie are at Spongebob’s house, watching the movie. When it is over, everyone is just staring blankly at the TV.
Squidward: Wow, that was the worst load of garbage I have ever seen.
Patrick: I don’t know, I liked the symbolism behind the rich sea cucumber heir who switched to a simpler life of making lederhosen.
Spongebob: And it’s going to be even better once it hits theaters.
Squidward: Are you kidding? That would never make it into theaters!
French Narrator: Three months later…
Guy in box office: *trying to calm the excited crowd.* Okay, people, settle down. There are enough tickets for everybody.
Squidward: I don’t believe it. Well, it’ll definitely never get an Academy Award.
French Narrator: One month later…
Realistic Fish Head: And the award for best movie of the year goes to… *opens envelope.* “The Bikini Bottom Movie.”
Squidward: Well, it would never make it to Broadway.
French Narrator: Six months later.
Squidward: *reading a theater poster outside of a Broadway theater.* Now playing: The Bikini Bottom Broadway Play?!?!?! Okay, I give up!
The End