The Cartoon Cartoons New Year’s Special
By
Patrick Moore
(Scene opens when we hear the CCF theme music in the background. We see various CCF stars at Johnny Bravo’s house talking and drinking egg nog, like Ed, Edd, ‘n’ Eddy, the Powerpuff Girls, Dexter, Dee Dee, the Kids Next Door, and Courage the Cowardly Dog.)
JOHNNY: (At camera.) Welcome to the first ever Cartoon Cartoon New Year’s show. I’m your host, Johnny Bravo. We’re going to have games, fun, and cartoons, as we get ready for 2004. (Does karate grunts.)
(Just then Carl and Susie enter.)
CARL: Johnny, we’re out of chips and dip.
JOHNNY: Then go to the store and get some, dork. I’m trying to do a show here.
SUSIE: Johnny, can I play the first cartoon?
JOHNNY: Sure, kid. What is it?
SUSIE: It the Fairly Oddparents.
JOHNNY: (Screams.) You can’t show that cartoon!
SUSIE: (Frowns.) And why not?
JOHNNY: That show is a Nicktoon, and Nicktoons are not allowed on Cartoon Network.
SUSIE: That’s not fair.
JOHNNY: Tell that to the boss. (At camera.) Now here’s a real cartoon. Up next is Dexter’s Lab.
DEXTER: It’s one of my favorite episodes.
JOHNNY: Sure it is, kid. What is it?
DEXTER: It’s where I go to Japan and battle that monster with my family.
JOHNNY: Here’s Dexter’s Lab on Cartoon Network. (Under his breath.) Smart brat.
DEXTER: (Under his breath.) Idiot cretin.
(Cartoon plays)
(The cartoon ends as we seen Johnny in front of the camera again.)
JOHNNY: Welcome back. Before we get to our next cartoon, let’s talk to the guests.
(Johnny walks to the Eds.)
JOHNNY: It’s Ed, Edd, ‘n’ Eddy.
EDDY: What’s up Johnny?
JOHNNY: You like the party so far?
EDD: It’s ok, but you should have some vegetables instead of all meat and pork fritters.
ED: And gravy and buttered toast.
EDDY: Shut up, Lumpy. (To Johnny B.) Who’s cartoon is up next?
JOHNNY: It’s your show with the episode where Jimmy framed you guys.
EDDY: I still have shades of that episode in my head.
JOHNNY: ( At camera.) Now here’s Ed, Edd, ‘n’ Eddy on Cartoon Network.
ED: Can we watch The Thing with Two Heads?
JOHNNY: No.
(Ed groans.)
(Cartoon plays.)
(As cartoon ends, Johnny is talking to Sara Bellum.)
JOHNNY: Want to celebrate the New Year watching the Ninja Chicks marathon after the show is over?
BELLUM: Johnny, do you known anything about getting girls?
JOHNNY: I wrote the whole book on it, baby.
BELLUM: Don’t you have a show to host?
(Johnny looks at his watch and looks at the camera.)
JOHNNY: Welcome back to the New Year’s party. I was talking to one of the stars of the Powerpuff Girls to tell her that we’re going to air the Powerpuff Girls Movie after Carl comes back with the chips.
(Carl enters with Weird Al Yankovic.)
CARL: I got the chips!
(Everybody cheers.)
CARL: And I got Weird Al Yankovic to sing for the party.
MAYOR: Who’s Weird Al?
JOHNNY: Carl, you dimwit. Why didn’t you get Pink or that chick from Evanescence?
CARL: Johnny, with the budget of this special, I can only get the cheap ones.
WEIRD AL: I’m not cheap.
JOHNNY: Shut up, Weird Ed.
WEIRD AL: That’s Weird Al, moron. I would like to preform for your special, but get paid extra for when I do my polka songs.
CARL: Can you do Dare to be Stupid?
WEIRD AL: Sure.
JOHNNY: Right after the Powerpuff movie.
WEIRD AL: I get paid extra for waiting during a movie.
JOHNNY: Whatever.
(Movie plays.)
(After movie is over, Susie walks to Johnny.)
SUSIE: Now that the movie’s over, now can we watch the Fairly Oddparents?
JOHNNY: Little girl, I told you that I’m not going to air that show on Cartoon Network.
SUSIE: Just this once, Johnny. (She gives him the puppy dog eyes.)
JOHNNY: Ok, I’ll play the stupid fairy show just the get you out of my hair. (At camera.) Up next it’s the Fairly Oddparents on what might be our darkest hour on Cartoon Network. (To Susie.) I hope you’re happy?
SUSIE: I am.
(Cartoon plays.)
(After cartoon is over, we see Johnny crying.)
JOHNNY: I’m doomed. If the big boss is seeing what just happened, I’m in big trouble.
(The phone rings, as Cal picks it up.)
JOHNNY: (At camera.) Looks like this is the end for our New Year’s special. With a half hour until midnight, looks like this the end for Cartoon Network.
CARL: Johnny, I was on the phone with the big boss, and he said he liked the idea about putting a Nicktoon on Cartoon Network.
JOHNNY: I’m saved!
CARL: But he want’s you to never do it again next year.
JOHNNY: Sweet. For the final cartoon, I like to show my show with the episode where I team-up with Scooby-Doo.
(Everyone groans.)
(Cartoon plays.)
(After cartoon is over, Daphne Blake walks to Johnny.)
JOHNNY: Daphne, what brings you to the party?
DAPHNE: I’m here to promote the new Scooby-Doo movie that’s coming out next year.
JOHNNY: Want to be my date?
(Daphne punches Johnny in the stomach.)
DAPHNE: Fred is still my boyfriend, jerk.
(Daphne leaves.)
JOHNNY: The Rock is going to play me in my movie.
CARL: Johnny, one minute to midnight.
JOHNNY: Everyone get ready.
EVERYONE: 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1. (Shouts.) HAPPY NEW YEAR!
WEIRD AL: Time for me to sing.
JOHNNY: Time for you to shut up, Weird Alice.
WEIRD AL: For the last time, Bravo, it’s Weird Al.
JOHNNY: Whatever. (At camera.) I hope you enjoyed out New Year’s special here on Cartoon Network, and can’t wait for next year’s special. See you soon.
WEIRD AL: Where’s my money?
JOHNNY: Disney’s got it, or that Jimmy Neutron kid next door.
(Roll end credits.)
THE END