Deck the Hulls

The voyage had taken much longer than he had originally anticipated, what with sailing through typhoons, warring with pirates, fighting gigantic sea serpents, and all the rest of life's minor irritations cropping up. Now, Popeye was worried. Down in the hold of the ship, away from the others, he turned to the Jeep. "Eugene," he asked in fear and trepidation, "is we gonna make it to port by Chriskmas Day?"

The Jeep just stared at him and didn't move, meaning that the answer to Popeye's question was, "No."

"Oh, my garsh," the Sailor Man moaned. "How am I gonna break the news to Olive without her getting all upset and tryin' to break me? She likes her Chriskmases with all the trimmings. The more, the merrier."

Dejectedly, Popeye slowly trudged topside, walking with his head lowered. Olive Oyl and Swee'Pea were sunning themselves on the deck near the bow. Popeye quickly scanned the area around them for any heavy objects or sharp instruments. Seeing none, he breathed a sigh of relief. "Might as well gets this over with," he thought. "I hopes me insuransk is paid up!"

Suddenly, he noticed that Swee'Pea was looking over the side, pointing to the water and oohing and aahing. Popeye joined his adopted son at the rail and saw what had captured the lad's attention. They were sailing near an island that was surrounded by a coral reef. Its gorgeous colors fairly jumped up out of the water at them.

Popeye shouted, "That gives me an idea! I've gots to corral some coral. Ak! Ak! Ak! Ak! Ah!" He laughed and jumped into the water. Kicking his powerful legs, he swam out ahead of the ship. Treading water, he suddenly began to spin around in place, creating a whirlpool that drew lots of algae and seaweed to him. He then dove under the surface, drawing the green plants along in his wake. He quickly draped and stuffed the greenery around some of the prettiest coral. Then he swam back and climbed aboard.

When the ship arrived at the spot, Swee'Pea let out a particularly delighted squeal.

Olive looked over the railing. "Either that child's spotted something or it's time for another diaper change." But then she gasped, "Look, Popeye, it's absolutely beautiful!"

"Yeah, Olive, it kind of looks like a Chriskmas tree, don't ya thinks?"

"Oh, but Popeye, no Christmas tree ever had such exquisite ornaments!"

"Ya can'ts improve on the Creator's handiwork, Olive. At least that's what I tell myself every time I looks in the mirror."

Olive ignored him. "Let's drop anchor and just look for awhile."

"Okay, but speaking of Chriskmas, Olive..."

"Hush, Popeye! Just look!"

He was more than happy to. That evening as they sailed along topside, Popeye tried to bring up the subject again.

"Ya knows, Olive, it's almost Chriskmas and..."

"I can hardly wait until we make land and see all the lights sparkling and twinkling on everyone's homes and in all the windows. It just wouldn't be Christmas without them."

"I was afraids of that, " Popeye muttered. But just then, Swee'Pea began tugging on the sailor's shirt and on Olive's dress. When they looked down on him, Swee'Pea pointed straight up.

Far away as they were from any lights of civilization, on that cloudless night, countless stars were gloriously sprayed across the heavens.

"Oooh, Popeye," Olive sighed contentedly, "there are our Christmas lights. And looking up at the sky reminds me of the Christmas story."

"Yeah, Olive. Swee'Pea certainly is a Wise Man for pointing out the stars to us. Ak! Ak! Ak! Ak! Ah!"

The next day, Olive said, "It's almost Christmas Eve, Popeye. Are we about to land soon?"

"Er...ah...almost Chriskmas eve, huh? Th...that reminds me. I...uh...wanted to gives you yer present early this year."

"Goody! Goody! Goody! I can't wait!"

"Well, I'll goes below and fetch it."

In the hold again, Popeye desperately looked around. He had bought himself a few minutes of time, but he actually didn't know what he was giving his sweetie. His eyes fell on the treasure chest which had been the object of their quest to begin with. Gulping, he hoisted it up onto his shoulders and ascended.

Once on deck, Popeye opened the chest and dumped out its contents at Olive's feet. Jewels, gold coins, and fancy silver dishes glistened in the sun. Popeye tossed the chest aside.

"There's your present, Olive. I wants to give you all the treasure we found."

"But, Popeye, this was all going to the Sweethaven orphanage!"

"Not any more. It's yours because I loves you."

Giggling, Olive began to throw the baubles and beads up in the air. But then, she noticed Eugene out of the corner of her eye. The Jeep had a strange expression on his face.

"Eugene," she asked slowly, "if the orphanage doesn't get the money from this treasure, will it be able to keep running next year?"

If an animal could be said to solemnly not move, that's what Eugene did. The answer was, "No!"

Olive shook her head. "Popeye I can't accept this gift. Give it to the orphans, instead."

"But then I don't have no present for you."

"Oh, Popeye, the fact that you wanted to give me such a treasure is present enough!" She threw her arms around him and began covering his face with kisses.

"Waits a minute!" Popeye was confused. "Ya means I don't have to gets you a great gift, just want to, and you'll be happy?"

"Yes, Popeye! Yes! Yes! Yes!"

"Good. I'll save lots of money then on your next birthday."

She poked him in the ribs and kept on gushing. "Besides, Popeye, giving up that treasure to save the orphans makes me feel better than getting any gift has ever made me feel. I feel better now than I did when the sheik gave me an oil well, or when Pierre gave me a fur coat, or when the Count..."

"Okay, okay, " Popeye grumbled, "you mades your point."

"And look! Swee'Pea's got a present, too!"

Now as any parent of a toddler can tell you, kids are often more interested in the box a toy came in than in they are in the toy itself. Sure enough, Swee'Pea had crawled into the open treasure chest and was pantomiming steering a car. Then he pretended to be firing a laser cannon.

The chest was now a space craft. Then he put his hands up to his right eye as if he was holding a telescope. The chest was now his ship.

Popeye and Olive laughed.

Popeye cleared his throat, "About Chriskmas, Olive, we ain't gonna make it back in time."

Olive laughed again. "Men are so silly! Popeye, don't you see that we've already had Christmas? And it was the best one ever!"

And may you, Gentle Reader, have your best one ever, too! And many more!

-by Budman (Steve Bierly)

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